Seeing Things in a Positive Light and What to Do About It
In the SHM Community Forums, Dini sympathized with one member who badly needs encouraging words amidst the crazy drama of her life. He said:
Welcome to these forums. If you stick around and are as honest as you are being here, I think you'll find some honest, compassionate people around here who are very, very helpful. I know I have found that to be true. I see you've already done something I was going to suggest, and I think it speaks very highly of who you are and your essential being that you did it; you responded to someone else who was in pain in another thread. Good for you! smiling bouncing smiley That's pretty much how it works around here.
Try to give a little, and you'll often find you get a lot. I'd suggest continuing to do that "T" because that way people see you around, get to know you and respond more to you here, in your own thread. But you seem to instinctively know that already. thumbs down
Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you right now. Sounds like some pretty unfair and tough obstacles have been placed in your path.
Here's what I'm REALLY glad to hear you say – "I work and go to school." I'm glad to hear that not necessarily because you work and go to school, though I think those are both good things, but because they tell me you have a core of self-esteem and the ability to stay on course despite all the drama going on around you. That is, IMHO, both very, very positive AND very, very courageous and takes a lot of discipline and self-esteem. Great big thumbs up for that T. thumbs down Many people in situations like yours don't have that kind of stuff in them. I admire you for it.
"Life keeps throwing me bricks." I think I've felt that feeling once or twice. But remember that you can build a house out of bricks. Sounds like you already are; going to school and working. (I was doing the same and had my own apartment at a young age as well so I can relate to that; it is not easy but you sure learn where your feet are don't ya).
Can I make a few suggestions, ask a few questions, whatever here "T" – nothing is meant to offend you but it is meant to maybe get to know you better or maybe have you take a look at an option or possibility? OK? And you don't have to answer any or all of them. Totally up to you. Whatever you are comfortable with; but it does help people to respond the more they know of you.
That must hurt a LOT to have your mom throw you out at age 18 and not be able to see your brothers or sisters. That must hurt like hell. But perhaps, though it hurts like hell, there is some silver lining in that cloud if when you lived with her she was forcing you to pay the bills or "watch" your brothers and sisters. Perhaps that was a bit abusive of your mother toward you and living in your own place, having your own life (even if it is scary) gets you out of that abusive sort of situation? And now you don't have to "live everyone else's life" but get to live your own, which is scary, but IMHO "T" it's important to live your own life. Wouldn't it be a terrible thing to get to the end of it and realize you had never lived your own life (even if it is scary at times).
You mention your BF living with you but not contributing much to things. While you work and go to school. Here's a question for you "T" and I don't mean to offend at all – you say he "moved in with you" – a couple of things come to my mind. That makes it sound as if you were a passive bystander while "he moved in with you" and in reality, he couldn't have moved in with you unless you let him. So it makes me wonder, why have him move in with you if he cannot (or worse, because sometimes we temporarily cannot, which is OK as long as we are trying) will not contribute? Perhaps that is also a form of abuse? Sometimes, IMHO, we get so used to being treated in a certain way we can fall into patterns and being abused or taken advantage of is one of them.
Here's a suggestion? Is it possible for you to talk to a counselor, a therapist, perhaps a clergyperson whom you trust? If money or insurance is an issue there are often sliding scale or no fee community health resource centers that can be really helpful. Please stick around here and bounce it around with us and let out what helps you here, but there is no substitute for talking to a real live person, and particularly a skilled, trained therapist. Often therapists who are starting out work in community health and they are more your age, so you may find it easier to relate to them and they are often very caring people. They don't have to be old as the hills and look like Freud to help you………let me know what you think of that idea. OK? I have found that working through those things that cause me pain, and speaking with someone about them is HUGELY helpful and I do it regularly. A counselor or therapist or maybe someone from church if you attend.
And again "T," welcome, and keep on keeping on. Somehow you just strike me as someone who has it in you, asking for help is courageous and you do that; asking for "advice or encouraging words (because) it would help" is REALLY courageous and positive. Don't forget that about yourself. You ARE those things "T." thumbs down No matter what anybody else tells you. Or no matter how anybody else tries to hurt you or take advantage of you.
Welcome "T." Stick around. I hope something I said is helpful to you. Drop by and let us know OK?
Spread the Word!
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