Infidelity and A Cyber Affair

In the SHM Forums, Jimmy responded to one member who had an affair for the reason of wanting  to love and to be loved. Jimmy wrote:

Topaz,

I am deeply moved by your post and not sure what to answer. The subject line of your posts reads:  Why does it hurt so much…

All I can say is that only God knows exactly how much you hurt, yet to me, your post screeches with pain.

Please let me ask you a question: Is there a reason you haven't sought the counsel of an older, wiser therapist? Senior therapists know the yearnings of younger people, and often can comfort us with the wisdom of older people, who have lived it and mellowed with it and know how to put these feelings into words.

Please don't get me wrong. I loved reading your post for 1 reason. You are honest. In spite of pain, if someone is honest, I love reading them. Your English is quite good, BTW. I can feel your angst, though and I just want to point you in the right direction.

Keep coming back here. Talk to us. Answer other people and let yourself be immmersed here. There are good people in these forums, topaz. many of us are middle aged and have lived enough to know of the loneliness you speak. I certainly have. It is hollow, echoing.

But in addition, why not seek a local professional and guide you and help you understand yourself better? You might owe it to your children. I have 2 teenage boys and I will tell you, when I am off, when I am not fully present with them, they know it. I have given them permission to talk to me about it, to tease me when I'm unfocussed and they can feel it. They are handsome young men. They will nudge me, slap me on the back, slap a towel at me. We have our ways, then they will ask if I am ok. They know. I am sire that your children probably know when you are down, when you aren't quite fully present. They deserve a parent who is there. Your husband sounds like he is gone. If you aren't going to get yourself together, your kids will grow up and settle for mates who aren't there, just like you did. You owe it to them to do better than that.

Psychotherapy is well worth the money, I guarrantee it, but only if you find an older, wiser person that yourself. A full year with a great therapist will probably cost you $5000. If that seems like too much money, I tell you it is a bargain. I've spent twice, three times that amount per year on travel, cars, houses, gifts  - and they all left me feeling empty.

Your innards need changing, topaz. God knows, your innards needs changing.

Join us here, topaz. We all come here because we know our innards need changing and we are finding the way together. Give us a few other questions to focus our answers to you. What else can you ask us? What else can you tell us?