Elements of Good Psychotherapy: Trusting Relationship

First and foremost, good psychotherapy begins with a good relationship. You and the therapist like each other. You both look forward to seeing each other and trust it will be a positive experience, even if the session is hard, if you leave crying or angry. You know you've been heard and that no matter what you've been discussing, as long as you aren't screaming at or otherwise threatening your therapist, you know that you've been heard, treated with respect, caring, honesty and fairness.

Secondly, you also know that if you feel like you haven't been treated in those ways by your therapist, the next time you have the courage to bring it up, your therapist will do their best to make it right, own up to their mistake, apologize, offer to repair the damage they've done, if indeed any of it was their fault.

Third, good therapy involves a therapist who is listening to you, that is, to the intent behind your words. A good therapist helps you clarify that underlying meaning of what you're saying and how you are behaving. For example, maybe you are consistently late for your sessions. All kinds of reasons may account for that. Your therapist will help you sort that out and figure out not only why you are consistently late, but help you come up with ways to be on time.

Fourth, good therapy doesn't involve any particular brand or technique. Some people prefer Cognitive Behavior therapy while others want Gestalt or Existential therapy. Some people say "tomato," and others say "tomato" (audio is missing here, did you notice??) – it's not the brand that make it yummy. Some people want interaction and some people want interpretation. Know what you're getting before paying for it by discussing a therapist's techniques by telephone before you see them.

In my next post, we will discuss how to know when your therapy is not good, and when you might need to consider finding someone else.

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