Cyber Affairs: Roadblocks Between You and Your Addiction
In the SHM Forums, Jimmy responded to the concern of one member about his willingness to confront his cybersex addiction with the help of his wife. He said:
The truth will set you free. Congratulations to you and to your wife. You both have a winning attitude is seem to be working together as a team.
You already are doing many things right. Joining that support group, calling your EAP for appointment, and getting into couples counseling are all steps in the right direction.
The only other thing I can suggest, and suggest strongly, is that you buy a book written by Dr. Maheu, the developer of this SelfhelpMagazine website. she conducted a research study through this website and asked people about their experience with cybersex and cyberinfidelity, compiled that information into a book, and more importantly, wrote a very detailed program for couples looking to recover from cyberinfidelity. She wrote the book specifically for people in your circumstance.
I read it a few years ago, and a little fuzzy about the details, but I think she has a chapter for you, a chapter for your wife, a dozen or so steps for you to take back your life.
I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and have been clean and sober for 19 years. One of the most important things I've learned is that putting roadblocks between me and my substances is the key to my success.
the difference between you and me is that there are fewer roadblocks between you and your addiction than me and mine. If I want to drink. I literally have to get in my car, drive to the store, walk-in, by something, walk back to my car, and hopefully drive home.scoring drugs is a little more complex, but involves a least that many steps. Each one of those steps is an opportunity for me to create a roadblock that could possibly stop me.
For you, turning on the computer may already gave you a hard on. You probably know exactly where to go and score within a matter of minutes, you don't have to look at anybody, any relief is just a few keystrokes away. Putting roadblocks between you and relief is much more complicated.
One suggestion that comes to mind, now that I know about this discussion forum, is that you can promise yourself, make a solemn oath to yourself, and inform the rest of your world, that before you act on any sexual impulse using a computer or the Internet, you will visit this website, find this forum, and write a detailed post about what you're feeling, what led up to that feeling (prior events or as we call them in AA, 'triggers') and where you would typically go to score. For more details, you can provide the better for you.
Using this forum in this way will serve several different functions that once. First and foremost, it will create a roadblock. The roadblock will force you to examine the events that led up to the trigger, identify your urge as a trigger, identify your feelings, and all the while using Internet while engaging and incompatible response to the trigger. Once you've met your oath to yourself, you are free to make whatever choice you'd like at that time about scoring.
If you use this website as your journal you will also be able to look at your posts through time and use them to identify patterns in thinking and behaving. The record that you will create will help you produce real live documentation to bring to therapy sessions. You also have the benefit of people interacting with you through it all.
Whether you choose to use this roadblock, or come up with others of your own, I wish you the best.
Spread the Word!
Comments
Comments
Post new comment