Are You A Selfish Wife?

In the SHM forums, Joanne responded to one member who felt guilty about not giving her all to her husband. She said:

C,
I find myself reluctant to write to you because I react strongly to your name. So if you don't mind, I won't greet you by "Chronic". Is that ok??

I went to a 2 week personal growth workshop once and we had to give ourselves names. People named themselves all kinds of things, and for all kinds of reasons that they had to explain to the group.

It soon became apparent that we take on the characteristics of the name people call us, and goodness, if you want me to doom you to such an intolerable condition, I just won't, I am sorry to not feel good about whatever your plan is for using that name. I just don't.

Aside from that, I LOVE reading your posts and see what a difference you're making around here. I welcome you into his community from a deeper place than the first time around, and look forward to reading more of you as time goes on. Your humor is refreshing!!

And I just love that you have the personal freedom to talk about sex!!! So many people come here and talk about it in a way that's just to get their rocks off, if you know what I mean. I can tell those from 10 words into it because I get a creepy feeling deep inside.

Anyway, I'm sorry to read about your being raped. Goodness, there's just so much of that. How old were you and how much of that have you examined in your therapy?

I ask because I am wondering about your considering yourself "selfish" when what I understood was that you were wanting to not have to give somethign you don't have to give. I think there's a big difference between being selfish in a bad way, and taking care of ourselves when we just don't have anything to give. Women often don't stand up for themselves and say "NO!" when they really ought to. That's not being selfish, it's the opposite, it's having a self, and protecting it.

Whatever your thinking was about it, I am glad to see that you worked it out and that your man was happy to just have you watch him. Isn't that a great solution? While some women struggle with "servicing" a man, I figure looking at him was easy enough that I'd do it anytime, anywhere

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